I remember when I was saved. Who can't, right? But when I think back on it now, I know that my heart must have been crying out for Him. I don't remember making the decision that I wanted Jesus as my Savior, but He sure knew I needed Him! Boy am I happy He knew it too! I wondered how Jesus could love me after all I had done before. I wondered why did God chose me. How can this be? I imagine that Mary was similar to so degree. She knew she didn't make that decision, but she willingly said "May it be to me as you have said." Luke 1:38.
It is amazing how many times I have had a near miss. I am going to tell on myself here, but a near miss driving mostly. When those "misses" are over, I say to myself that I have an angel riding with me. That angel is protecting me. I know that God has plans for me and He is with me all the time. But I should change it to say that God is riding with me instead of the angel, because it really is God's protection.
I am praying that through this study that I can learn to be more confident in my faith. I remember telling Natasha when I was about to start student teaching that I had to be in control of things. I couldn't stand not knowing where I was going to have to travel to in order to student teach. I was really stressed about the distance I would be from my children and forgot that God was in control and had everything worked out. Standing right in our church, I told her that I needed to be able to control this situation. Man was I wrong. God was in control the whole time. He was teaching me to trust Him. Now looking back, I was foolish to say that, and not trust Him. God had never given me any reason to doubt Him. He had things planned the way He wanted it to go. I couldn't see the entire picture. Now I can clearly see His plan for that situation. I still have trouble when I am stressed about things I can't control to just let go and give it to God. I am improving, but I still have to remember who really is in control. I have to accept His plan, just as Mary did.
My heart was calling to Him eight years ago. I needed Him. I now need to be conscience to what He is calling me to do. I need to listen better, not get caught up in my everyday life and listen to what God wants my life to be. Not what I want my life to be.